As an adult I have greatly struggled in finding happiness and further still, feeling guilty about feeling unhappy. On paper I have a wondeful husband, great friends, lovely home, job where my hard work is recognized and my health. But, truthfully, there are days, weeks, or even months where I feel unhappy. I’ve spent many hours thinking about this, even scolding myself for feeling this way.
With a distant memory of childhood that was primarily happy, at times it feels as though sadness, insatifaction and frustration are new feelings. But I recall my mother saying to me when I was a child, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Jeez- Sarah your acting like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
She was right. I agonize and beat myself up, internally critising myself and showing no compassion for my own pain or failures. The swirling thoughts at time manifest on in emotional symptoms such as frustration, aggetation, anger and sadness. They may even bleed into physical manifestations such as poor digestion, tense muscles and headaches.
Yoga has become one of the only places where I can silence those thoughts and soothe any physical manifestations that may have already developed from a stressful day. Though I may not always go willingly at first, I eventually find myself on mat.
After yoga I often feel ecstatic and bubbly or at the very least peaceful. At times I can feel myself literally bouncing in my car seat as a driving home from the yoga studio blaring tunes from my car stereo to extend this feeling as long as possible. In this moment, I take time to mentally acknowledge the feeling of happiness so that this memory of simple bliss serves as proof that the sadness, anger, or frustration do not go on forever and motivates me to return to my mat.
Today’s Mantra: “I have faith that it will not rain forever.”